New Year, New Me: 11 Reasons Why You Should Breakup With Your Partner

The 2010’s were and are, a decade full of, dare I say, f*ck ups?

Donald Trump was inaugurated into office, The Amazon burned, and is continuing to burn, climate change is ravaging nations, and STD’s are at an all time high.

So, needless to say, some of us, many of us I hope, are looking forward to the new beginnings of the 2020’s. And in the tradition of successfully merging our current selves into new beginnings, we are evaluating all the areas of our life; including, but not limited to, our romantic relationships.

You might be sitting and wondering, “should I really continue this relationship? Should I really bring this person with me into the new decade?”

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There’s nothing more that we at Blk Girl Culture support more than a loving relationship where a Black woman is feeling valued, secure, and happy. But, sometimes those things alone, are just not enough. Sometimes we have to take a fine-tooth comb to our relationships and make tough decisions.

But don’t fret, you’re not alone in making these decisions.

We’ve compiled 11 reasons why you should breakup with your partner. Don’t go into the new year, the new decade, still clinging on to yesteryear baggage.

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1. You're avoiding spending time with your partner.

While you might not be making conscious decisions to avoid your significant other, that doesn't mean that you haven't been doing so. If you find yourself continuously making plans and arrangements that mean you don't have to interact with them, or if you make plans that provide you with a buffer [i.e. partying with sizeable group of friends, multiple person dates, etc.], something which is dramatically dwindling your quality time together, then it’s probably time to the face the fact, that you’re avoiding them.

2. You've already broken up.

For some reason or another, this can be one of the most overlooked signs when it comes to needing to end a relationship. I, for one, am a firm believer that a relationship can grow and change over time, and sometimes those growing pains can result in a breakup. However, if you and your partner have ended your relationship more than once, then it's time you take a closer look at your compatibility and prospective longevity.)

3. You're bored

Do you find yourself trying to fill your relationship with external excitement via trips, dates, or off the wall excursions? Don't get me wrong, there's nothing particularly concerning about wanting to filter in some sort of outside excitement into a relationship. The real issue with this external sourcing is when it becomes a need instead of a want. Regardless of the circumstance, you should be able to have some level of internal excitement, or even more simply, joy, towards your partner.

4. You're compromising more than your significant other.

Relationships can often be full of compromises. From deciding where to vacation, how to budget, what city to move to, etc., compromises can be never ending. But, whatever compromises are made, each partner should be fairly satisfied. There should be no healthy reason as to why one partner is consistently compromising on their wants, needs, or concerns, more than the other. Doing this leaves one partner largely unsatisfied and neglected in either an emotional, physical, and or mental way.

5. You're using sex as a buffer for communication.

Sex, like any other part of a relationship, is important. However, sex should not be used to fulfill the duties of the other parts of a relationship, like communication. Just as a car needs all of its parts to operate, so does a relationship. One cannot take the place of another, as all of the parts contribute to the overall functionality.)

6. You're lying to your friends and family.

Of course your friends and family don't need to be privy to every moment of your relationship, but if you find yourself lying to them on a regular basis in order to hide a growing dysfunctionality, then it's time to do some reevaluation.

7. Your partner plays on your insecurities.

Your partner should be the last person to bring out, play on, or foster, any insecurities you have. But, when a relationship begins to sour, sometimes it can be the person you were once the most comfortable with, pointing out all of your flaws and insecurities. It is unimportant as to why someone would do this, because regardless of any current circumstance, your partner should respect you, your emotions, and mental health, above all.

8. You don't feel happy about their successes (and vice versa).

Perhaps this is one of the more concerning signs on the list. When you find yourself feigning false joy and mustering up congratulatory responses for your significant other, there's some real cause for concern.

9. You have different long term goals.

There's nothing that can call for the end of a relationship more than differing long term plans and goals. If you and your partner have starkly different plans for your respective future, and futures together, then you might need to seriously consider the likelihood of your chances of having a successful [long-term] relationship.

10. You have a lingering or growing interest in someone else.

For the most part, it can be natural to be slightly curious as to what it would be like to be with another person. But if you're finding your mind wandering more often than not, then there's cause for concern. The fantasies of having a partner who you deem to be more attractive, reliable, understanding, etc., can be strong indicators of an upcoming expiration date on your current relationship.)​

11. Your relationship is surviving off of "as soon as..." or "well when they..."

Looking forward to future plans is common in most relationships. Whether they're long term plans like embarking on a new career path, or short term plans like taking a vacation to an ideal destination, planning for the future can often be a reoccurring and joyous occasion. However, when you're excusing dysfunction and even abuse, by way of upcoming plans, you're only putting off the realization and acceptance of your current situation. Future plans should never be used to avoid the present; no matter how appealing it may be to do so.

Not only is this year ending, but so is this decade. Let’s venture into this great unknown, with our best foot forward. And sometimes putting your best foot forward, means letting go of not just circumstances, but people.

Let’s clink our glasses, let go of our baggage, and cheer to the new year.